Hold On To Every Word

As a late-blooming author, I have come to believe it is wise to hold on to words God inspired me to write years, even decades, ago. Journals, poems, articles, and even musings for possible future pieces, are precious to me. I refuse to squander documentation of hard-won life lessons God has taught.

Disclaimer: I’m a bit of a pack rat. Not a true hoarder, mind you. Just a sentimental girl who loves memories and hates waste. This pack rat trait raised its ugly head a little over a year ago when my husband and I decided to downsize. Once we realized our living space would decrease by more than half, we got to work. You know the drill. Sort everything into three piles: cherished belongings, to bequeath to loved ones; less cherished belongings, to give to anyone in need; and remaining belongings, only fit to be thrown in the trash.

Though project “declutter and downsize” sounded easy in articles and podcasts, it required way more thought, time and energy than anticipated. But my husband, Rod, and I soldiered on, each of us tackling different areas of the house, one room at a time. While exploring a seldom-used back bedroom closet, I discovered an entire shelf of my personal journals. Most were colorful, well-worn, spiral notebooks, with start and end dates scrawled on their covers in Sharpie pen. Decades of my life journey stood there at attention, reporting for duty. Was I strong enough to accept their challenge and re-read the heartfelt stories written on those pages?

Nope. Not yet.

So, I tossed my writings helter-skelter into a storage box for moving, taped the top closed, then slammed the bedroom door. But I could still faintly hear their siren song calling to my spirit.

Before we could believe it, Rod and I found ourselves transplanted into a simpler, less cluttered lifestyle. I took a big breath and relaxed into our cozy bungalow that was just big enough for two. God’s peace settled over us like the heirloom quilt topping our bed.

But soon I began to feel a familiar holy unrest.

Several times through the years God nudged me into a new type of ministry. Each time, He began by creating a longing in my heart to explore creative ways to use my giftings to honor Him. So, I decided to check out my options. I took little forays into possible volunteer and paid positions that fit my credentials, but only hit dead ends. Then I recalled the life-giving spark of joy that always flowed through me when I put my ideas on paper. Could God be calling me to write? If so, what?

That’s when I read a suggestion in an e-newsletter by my friend, Janice Buswell. She encouraged budding and experienced writers alike to attend an inexpensive zoom webinar by Marlene Bagnull, Director of Write His Answer Christian Writing Conferences. Her topic? Writing the Personal Experience Story. What did I stand to lose? So, I googled Marlene’s website and took my first halting step into the challenging, sometimes quirky, world of Christian writers. And that, paraphrasing a well-known poem by Robert Frost, has made all the difference.

To my amazement, Marlene liked my writing and invited me to contribute a “Go Deeper” chapter on Marriage and Family in her soon-to-be-released book, Write and Live His Answer Now: Encouragement to Impact Our Culture. My relationship with this talented, encouraging mentor rekindled a fire in my soul I didn’t even realize the enemy had nearly snuffed out. After writing my chapter for her book, I asked Marlene, “How do I decide what to write next?” Her wise and challenging answer? “Write what you most want to lay at Jesus’ feet when you meet him face to face.”

Remember those journals that made the trek to our new bungalow? It didn’t take me long to locate that box I’d packed. Then I dedicated many hours to explore and savor those personal laments, prayers, and praises from back in the day. As I read each soul-baring sentence, I reexperienced the power of God’s redemptive love. When I came to the prayer below, I knew which story I needed to write next.

March 1992:

Dear Lord,

I pray for my child. I pray for her health and ability to do well in school and make responsible decisions. I especially pray for her friendships, that You will put your hedge of protection around her and let only godly friends be attracted to her.

As her parents, we need to break these negative cycles any way we can. We’ve tried “soft” love, we’ve tried “tough” love, we’ve tried individual counseling, we’ve tried family counseling, we’ve tried everything we can think of. Now we need to trust You to open the door to whatever it takes to heal our daughter and our family.

Teardrops plopped on the page as I remembered the ways God answered those prayers. The unexpected doors He opened led our family along a path that was difficult, painful, and costly, in more ways than I can describe. The resulting gulf between me and my daughter seemed impossible to bridge. But God wasn’t done yet!

Through nearly a two-decade process, the Lord gradually brought healing in ways only He could orchestrate. My recent article, “Only by God’s Grace,” describing the miraculous reconciliation between my daughter and I, has been accepted for publication in a Guideposts book due for release summer of 2024.

With strong support from my husband, Rod, I continued to grow as a writer. In fact, we both attended Janice Buswell’s Experience Writing workshop the summer of 2023. For the first time, I dared to dream of writing a book. But what kind of book would God want me to write?

I found my answer while sorting through another treasure trove that made the move with us: an ancient, grey metal file cabinet. It didn’t take me long to find a personal experience article I’d begun in 1987, but never completed. “How to Help in Times of Emotional Distress” reminded me of another difficult season of my life. When I was a young mom, I had a frightening panic attack, followed by weeks of debilitating high anxiety. Not long after, I penned these words,

Recently I experienced my own time of emotional distress…. Loving friends and family members all tried to help me in their own ways, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that some attitudes and actions were especially valuable in encouraging my emotional healing.

My husband suggested that I try to use my experience to help others, and I wrote this article as a result, which prompted even deeper emotional healing.

I rejoice that I saved those words for over thirty-five years. From that old article, I harvested seeds I’m planting in the book I’m currently writing, How I Learned Who to Help When—A Guide to Who to Help and How Much. God has reminded me, once again, not to waste even one life lesson He taught me. I learned many things during my three-decade career in church ministry. My job focused on finding ways to provide care for hurting individuals and couples. Now’s the time for me to write some helpful true stories. I have even developed a Caring Decisions Checklist to guide people who, like me, have the spiritual gift of mercy. I now realize it’s only through God’s leading that any of us can have discernment to make wise decisions about who to help and how much.

Probably the most important lessons I learned in the past twenty years came through participation in Celebrate Recovery. Until I went through a step study, I don’t think I realized that even well-intentioned actions can be harmful, either to the person in need, or to the one helping. “Codependency” is the word used to describe enmeshed relationships that result when one adult becomes over responsible for another. I learned the hard way that, when I leap too quickly to rescue others, I often come between that person and God. The result is resentment and burnout, not the abundant life mentioned in John 10:10 where Jesus said, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV)

I sense my heavenly Father smiling on me as I enter this new season of life. My goal is to use my spoken and written words to help others grow life-affirming relationships. The embers of my heart are aflame with renewed purpose and power from above. I wonder if I’d have even noticed God’s nudge to begin my writing career if I had not decluttered my life.

If you are in a season of decluttering and downsizing, I urge you to go ahead and get rid of lots of stuff. You won’t even miss it! But keep your personal journals. And hang on to every word embedded in your computer hard drive. Who knows, maybe, like me, the day will come when you’ll be glad you did.